The Snowing Cherry Blossoms

When spring is gone, what is left of the sadness behind me?

I often see my former self,

making decisions thoughtlessly.

And not knowing the reason why I continue to latch on to my stubbornness.

Redemption 

A sudden gush of wind blows against my face. As I turn around, I see pink cherry blossoms falling like snow against the breeze.

The wind continues to blow, blowing my foolishness, my unrestrained indulgences.

Amelioration.  

My broken memories continue to drift like the snow-like palest pink petals. They are filled with distant nostalgia that are no longer tangible and cannot be seen with the bare eyes. Who are the loved ones who are still lingering in my thoughts?

Acceptance.

I continue to walk along this path of cherry blossom trees.......

Home

今天突然很想回家. 最近每個週末都會出去散散心.  一向獨來獨往的我看著滿街都是人.  看見一家人開心得共進午餐.  看見一群朋友從戲院走出來歡樂的笑聲. 已經很久沒有和家人朋友好好得聚聚.  「家」這個字對我來說很遙遠，幾乎觸碰不到.  雖然在台灣收獲很多也學習到了許多累積了教學經驗，今天我任然覺得這個島還是那麼得陌生.  我的「家」只能用想像力來安慰自己. 家的新鮮空氣，熟悉環境， 還有我搞笑的哥哥，表姊妹弟們，還有我的寶貝狗狗. 繼續等待........回家的那天.  在一年兩年，不知道.....

Chapter 5: A New Picture - "Infinitism"

A new beginning. A new place to seek refuge in the mind and soul.  Wandering thoughts have long dissipated.  I have picked up my pencil once again.  Am moving on and putting my acquired knowledge into use.  My canvas is no longer white.  It is filled with different shades. I have begun this piece of artwork a year ago.  Though it has not reached completion, it has been titled "Infinitism."  

Art is everywhere. Everything we do is an art.  Teaching is an art.  An art that calls forth internal and external transformation in light of knowledge, creation, and wisdom.  Every word I instruct - verbal and written.  The effective dialogue created with the students. Understanding the efficacy and conduciveness of the material designed for students.  All elements elegantly weaved together form a work of art.  

I am still polishing this art. This picture I have chosen to paint is an unending process.  Frustration. Sleepless nights.  Endless contemplation, analyzation, synthesis, and self-evaluation. Incessant self-reflecting in my instruction, curriculum/material design, test design, and collaboration with colleagues.  All contribute to shaping students into effective, active, and independent learners.

Have I changed? Am I exhibiting more conviction in what I do? Have I ascended one level higher in terms of improving onself? I ask myself these questions  everyday. I try not to let my doubts inhibit my ultimate goal in helping the students become successful learners.  

Teaching ELLs continues to be a challenging task for all of us, but the greatness about specializing in this art is having the opportunity to witness the students acquire the English language, each taught with instructions tailored to their needs and personality.  

           Seeing shy learners blossom into active participants, asking endless questions.  

           Seeing learners string meaningful words together into sentences, paragraphs, and essays.

           Seeing learners attempting to read and comprehend a novel.

This new picture ........I believe is a turning point - a life-changing moment allowing me to answer my inner queries about my purpose here on Earth.

Under the Stars

Once again.

Time continues to fleetingly dissipate into thin air. My surroundings have silently changed. This stabbing memory has aged in a blink of an eye. A precious bond, kinship, hastily scattered in one night. Gone. 

I stand under the lonely night sky.
I dare not to look up at the glimmering stars filled with precious recollections.
Everything shattered momentarily, once again. Let time continue to veil this scar.

I stand under the lonely night sky,
Reminiscing all the lost promises once made.  Unable to discern the countless brilliant stars piercing the night sky　
The pain resurfacing and haunting me, once again.

Suppress. In the night. Under the stars.

 

故事

妳是故事里的哪一个角色?
還是聽故事的人?
還是說故事的人?
還是站在遠處看妳身旁的故事慢慢演出在妳眼前?

我想我們都是.

我們人一出生就是一個新的故事.  要好好的把自己的故事寫得完整美麗談何容易？ 我們每個人都會經過人生好多階段. 每一個階段就好像書裡面的一段章.  每一章里都會有悲歡離合，依依不捨、痴情、逃避, 害怕、爾虞我詐，虛偽，貪念，犯錯、傷害、誤會，遺憾，思念，痛苦、反省、原諒、寬容、雨過天晴、從新來過、等等。。。每天過著好像演不完的戲.

一頁一頁的寫.  何時了?

到了最後...所有故事漸漸離我們遠去，慢慢的從記憶裡消失, 一切化為烏有...化為「空」。


雖然如此, 這故事還是要寫完.........不能沒有完結篇.

其實...我只是想要寫出一個真實的明天. 真實的故事.
這故事里將有個蔚藍的天空收容一切的希望,
也將結束流浪 結束迷失的臉龐,  遠離優傷,
讓無辜的孩子都可以有夢想和歡樂
也希望可以蓋一座小小的天堂讓他們養夢自在飛翔.

請再給我一點力量把這故事簡簡單單的寫完.

Chapter 4: Too Late

No more words left......
Heart emptied of feelings.....
Have I forgotten everything?
Everything seems to be washing away quickly.
Pain no longer piercing my soul.
Is this friendship too late to mend?
Maybe...
I will no longer hold on to it.
I learned. The more I want to grasp onto a priceless treasure, the more it will slip away like sand grain escaping from between my fingers.
No more tears.
No more apologies.
No more nonsense.
I will only continue to miss you and your words to me.

When dawn breaks, I will start anew.

A Reflection: The Dream I Dreamed

I will be starting a new life in Taiwan soon. I will be continuing my career as a teacher at a bilingual school. Having said this, I am still in disbelief as I have not made such a big decision in my life before. The thought of living a Pacific Ocean away from a community I am familiar with has been making me anxious lately. I am beginning to feel what my ESL students had felt when they immigrated to the United States. Living on my own in another country seems somewhat daunting but I will find my way.

I have always dreamed of teaching abroad when I first applied to the Charter College of Education. It was the dream I dreamed and still am dreaming. I thought it would be good to begin building my teaching skills from the younger grade levels. What I did not know is obtaining a permanent credential would require so many years.  Well, in my case, it did and still is! To look on the positive side, I really have accomplished a great deal. Right?!

There have been moments of wanting to give up this dream during both the credentialing process and the TESOL program. I lost faith in myself. I truly did. This is what happens when you set super high expectations for every situation and for everyone. I had to learn the hard way, but I still finished both programs. I would not have gone this far and built such confidence without the initial guidance of my credentialing supervisor and master teacher, and eventually a big boost by my TESOL professors, especially Dr. KS. This dream could not have been made possible without them. I have made mistakes along the way, but my teachers have always been a huge support. This invaluable support they have given me will live strong inside of me. The other main support comes from the friends I grew up with and my CSULA friends, especially the group brought together by Dr. P. Cannot thank them enough for their friendship. I will miss my teachers and friends.

Now I will turn the tide of this journey as a teacher to Asia and take a somewhat different path.

Words by Carol

"I want to be able to wake up with a smile on my face and say I love what I do."